Archive for the ‘Animal Jokes’ Category
Auction Parrot
March 14th, 2009 by mariodm
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot, he really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept being outbid, so he bid higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid – [...]
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The Story Of The Bats
March 13th, 2009 by mariodm
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.”
“We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.”
The first bat replies, [...]
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“Purr”
March 13th, 2009 by mariodm
Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.
Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.
Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.
Purrson: A male kitty.
Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.
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Never Talk To The Parrot
March 13th, 2009 by mariodm
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn’t accommodate her with an “after-hours” appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. By the way, [...]
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Put A Monkey In The Fridge
March 13th, 2009 by mariodm
How do you put a monkey in the fridge?
Open the fridge and get in!
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Man From The City
March 13th, 2009 by mariodm
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would [...]
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Worries About Mad Cow Desease
March 13th, 2009 by mariodm
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.”
The other cow replies, “I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks.”
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There Was Just A Dog Fight
March 13th, 2009 by mariodm
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”
“Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. “What about it?”
“Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…”
“What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?”
“Well, it seems [...]
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Catfish And Lawyer
March 13th, 2009 by mariodm
What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One’s a slimy scum-sucking scavenger, the other is just a fish.
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A Game Of Animal Football
March 13th, 2009 by mariodm
The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. “I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T.V.”
He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field [...]
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