Are You a Chocoholic?
May 5th, 2009 by mariodm
Answer these questions to help find out.
chocoholic (def): a person who has or claims to have an addiction to chocolate
If you have more than 2 secret stashes of chocolate candy, you might be a chocoholic. (Be honest.)
* If your top 3 favorite candies all have chocolate in them, you might be a chocoholic.
* If you have more than 4 books at home on chocolate, you might be a chocoholic.
* If your favorite dessert is chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and chocolate ice-cream on the side, then you might be a chocoholic.
* If you name chocolate as one of the seven wonders of the world, you might be a chocoholic.
* If you bookmark more than 2 websites on the health benefits of chocolate, then you might be a chocoholic.
* If your favorite movie is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, you might be a chocoholic.
* If you own more than one chocolate-related T-Shirt, you might be a chocoholic. (If you actually wear that chocolate T-Shirt in public, just admit it. You are a chocoholic.)
* If you name your first-born child after your favorite chocolate candy – then you are a definite, full fledged chocoholic.
* If you are a chocoholic, there you may want to try one of two possible cures:
CURE #1: Chocolate Overdose
In several cases a chocolate overdose will effectively kill your chocolate bug for a period of time. At some point, too much chocolate in a given month will cure your addiction – for at least a week. Your personal chocolate overdose limit will depend on your level of addiction. (We sell a variety of chocolates to help you do this in style.)
CURE #2: Chocolate Substitution
Chocolate substitution is another option, if the chocolate overdose doesn’t work. It involves starving your chocolate bug by offering it wholesome candy substitutes. The concept is that your body will gradually forget its craving for chocolate. (We sell a variety of delicious candies to help you do this in style.)
If one of these cures doesn’t work, well, at least you would enjoy the attempt . . .
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Funny Bird
March 23rd, 2009 by mariodm
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I can’t breathe without that
March 22nd, 2009 by mariodm
A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.
“I need to take that walkman off your head,” says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.
“You can’t! I’ll die!” retorts the blonde.
“I can’t cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!” says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.
“I said you can’t take it off, or I’ll die!”
The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating “breath in, breath out, breath in”.
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One wish to each
March 21st, 2009 by mariodm
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie’s lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, “I will grant three wishes, one for each of you.”
The first said, “I wish I were smarter.”
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, “I wish I were smarter than she is.”
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, “I wish I were smarter than both of them!”
So, she became a man.
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Blondes in Disney World
March 20th, 2009 by mariodm
Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.
As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying “Disney World Left!”
After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said “Oh well!” and started driving back home.
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Blondes change a lightbulb
March 19th, 2009 by mariodm
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won’t light up?
Blonde: No, it’s working fine.
Operator: Then what’s the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
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Make it off the island
March 18th, 2009 by mariodm
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, “I’m going to try to swim to shore.” So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, “I wonder if she made it. I guess it’s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve.” So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, “I wonder if they made it! I think I’d better try to make it, too.” So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, “I’m too tired to go on!” So she swam back.
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You’ve got mail
March 17th, 2009 by mariodm
A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.
She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: “You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box.”
The blonde answered, “No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail.”
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Your kid has been kidnapped
March 16th, 2009 by mariodm
A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, “I’ve kidnapped you.”
She then wrote a big note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde.”
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”
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Auction Parrot
March 14th, 2009 by mariodm
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot, he really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept being outbid, so he bid higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid – the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”
“Don’t worry,” said the Auctioneer. “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”
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